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All the events described in the following stories are true to the best of my recollection, though certain dates, characteristics, locations and other trivial details have been altered.
I hope you enjoy reading about my life as much as I have enjoyed living it.
Think about that—most of what you learn in class has outside of law school. Your entire grade is based on one final exam at the end of the semester.
Law school professors all use the same basic test format and look for the same basic type of answers.
It was relatively early in the day and I was bored and walking around checking things out when I saw a dude lying on his back, in the grass, way in the corner. This is REAL bad; it’s the first sign of asphyxiation, and means he is literally drowning on his own puke.
Something about the way he was lying looked weird, limbs all akimbo, so I went to make sure he was OK. I immediately roll him over, and give him the Heimlich.
I know for CPR I probably should have given him mouth-to-mouth, but fuck that—if the Heimlich worked, I wouldn’t have to put my lips on the puke-filled mouth of some random dude.
He immediately starts coughing and all kinds of shit comes spitting from his mouth and nose.
You’re not going to be top of your class doing this, but you can easily graduate in the middle.I was talking to girls at the same time, however, so I wasn’t paying much attention.He was sitting on a couch and leaned over to puke, and as he did this, he pulled his hat off his head and threw up right into it.You’re probably wondering: How could I up and leave not just school, but the entire United States of America, while still enrolled in a top ten law school, with classes going on every day, and not have any negative consequences?Because everything about law school is a complete fucking joke.
The Mexicans call the ambulance and they take him away to the clinic. I don’t really remember that day much, but yeah I’m alive, so OK, cool, thanks.” Tucker “You don’t remember it? But if you really saved my life, then thanks, I guess.” Tucker “You guess??? That’s why you don’t try too hard to save the life of a University of Tennessee frat guy.