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Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. A relationship isn’t a measure of your worth or worthiness in this world.
QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Sabotaging Your Relationship? It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem.
You talk regularly, go on fun dates, it seems to be going really well. Meanwhile, in boy land, he’s been really slammed at work and has barely had a minute to come up for air.
But then you don’t hear from him for a day or two and immediately hit the panic button. In his mind, the relationship is going great, he’s happy to have met a great girl like you and he can’t wait to finish this big project so he can see you again. You’re relieved, but at the same time, you are so in it now.
A relationship also isn’t some sort of milestone, a sign that you have “made it,” that you will be OK, that you are now a member of some elite club. It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage.
This also works if you’re in a more established relationship.
Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it.
Or let’s say you’re in a serious relationship and there has been talk of getting engaged but he hasn’t popped the question yet.
Until then, I’m going to enjoy the relationship and not let this bother me.
This little exercise will help you train your mind to stay calm and avoid spinning into a frenzy.
And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts. He’s happily going along doing his thing while you are knee-deep in heartbreak mode, mourning the loss of what could have been and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up.